Week 39

Hey chicks!
I've just realised that every week we end up looking back on what we've enjoyed, and never get round to talking about what we're looking forward to so here are a few things that are getting us excited for the week ahead:
the amazing pancake race in Spitalfields market this Tuesday (12.30 don't be late), laboriously translating Chekhov, chocolate and peanut butter milkshakes at The Diner, watching Priceless with the beautiful Andrea and possibly buying some new doorknobs for the kitchen. Life is good.






Nice bit of product placement right there. Was feeling pretty ashamed about the the state of my laptop but didn't really want to spend 20 pounds on a sleeping bag for a bit of electrical equipment. Opted for the 99p heavy duty envelope instead. Available from Rymans or any post office and is the perfect size for a Macbook, pretty sure most laptops could snuggle in comfortably. Idea shamelessly stolen from Wallpaper's Home Made Issue (incredible publication by the way, buy a back copy if you can).

This week we love...

One of my housemates has slipped into the dangerous habit of opening other people's mail. It's not that he breaks into houses or harasses the postman or anything, we just get a whole lot of crap sent to us for previous tenants. And so he came across this tasty bit of correspondence. Actually intended for our landlord, the letter seemed too strange to ignore, and so Ginny and I headed off to the Church of Scientology's headquarters in London to check things out for ourselves.




The 'church' is located on Queen Victoria Road near St Paul's. The door's shut and there's no one outside offering personality tests or free drinks, and we're not really sure what to do. The men inside are staring at us wondering if we're going to come in. We take the plunge. The first thing I notice is the plush carpet, the kind that your feet sink into and makes you feel guilty about wearing shoes. There's a man sitting behind what looks like a hotel reception, wearing a clerk's uniform and looking busy. Another, with a face like a foetus asks if he can help us. We say something vague about wanting to have a look around and he takes us upstairs to the information room. He asks us if we're from London, and where we live and Gin shoots me one of those 'don't say anything I don't want to end up behind the plaster boards of this dude's house' looks. You know the one.
The information room looks like a mix between a games arcade and a really crass museum. It's divided up into different areas which present different themes, and each has a sort of interactive TV screen. We're lead to the first screen and watch a clip about what people think about Scientology churches. The interviewees are all preppy Americans with irritatingly high spirits saying crap like 'a Church of Scientology isn't like a normal church. It's really clean and modern, and the first thing you notice is like 'wow, look at all these displays! I can't believe how many panels there are!', 'You can just come here to study you know, and like, people aren't preaching AT you, you're like, totally teaching yourself.' 'You just become more and more YOU. Hahahaha'

Wondering if this might just be a joke, we head over to the next display: Scientology Volunteer Ministers. There are a few different clips but we opt for the last one, thinking it said something about saving Tanzania. Fair enough, poor country, could do with some help, but no, the 20 minute clip is actually about saving Tasmania. Tasmania? One of the most hopelessly middle class places you could think of? Yep. The story is about some super scientologist woman called Wendy Honnor (no joke) who decided to go back to her hometown in Tasmania and save them from high suicide rates and a shitty economy. She starts off handing out leaflets, all Erin Brockovich style then winds up being called on as a minister to an old lady's deathbed. Not only does she provide comfort to the dying hag, but solves all her family conflicts and then 'she didn't die!' Oh and all of this is accompanied by the Back to the Future theme tune. Ginny snorts loudly and we both wriggle around trying desperately not to laugh too loud, we are after all on their turf. The rest of the clip really is something else though: Miss Honnor not only rescues the Tasmanian people's morale and economy, she single handedly saves 105 people's lives by dissuading them from committing suicide.

Thinking that we won't be able to take much more of this we head to the most interesting looking display: Psychiatry, An Industry of Death. By watching just 4 of the 15 or so clips, we learn that not only is mental illness a complete fabrication invented by psychiatrists to make money, these devilish bastards are the cause of racism, apartheid, black slavery, Stalin's Purges and, of course, the Holocaust. After the quick succession of concentration camp pics, psychiatrist's statements read out in angry German voices and the usual collection of witness statements 'They just took my boy away, they took away my joy' (sobbing woman), I was seriously waiting for them to explain how psychiatrists had also invented cancer. At this point Ginny got overwhelmed and we decided to leg it. Stepping outside she summarised the experience: 'Man I feel like I've had my head in a plastic bag..'

We'd spent over an hour in there but it felt closer to 15 minutes so I decided to pick up a booklet on my way out for some at-home reading. It's called 'The Way to Happiness: a common sense guide to better living' The first page presents an explanation of how to use this book, saying:

You of course wish to help your contacts and friends. Choose someone whose actions, however remotely, may influence your own survival.

While it's pure comedy gold I didn't pick up enough copies to pass around but here are some of my favourite quotes:
2.2 Don't let anyone who has been drinking drive you in a car or fly you in a plane.
4. Bringing a child into the world today is a little bit like dropping them into a tiger's cage [...] The problem is complicated by the fact that while most children are capable of great decency, a few are born insane
The contemporary society is tailor-made for a child's failure
6. Anyone trying to discourage you is trying to do so because they actually mean you harm and are seeking to serve their own ends.
7. What is true is what is true for you.
8. The stupid, the evil and the insane seek to solve their real or imagined problems with murder.
The way to happiness does not include murdering or your friends, family or yourself being murdered.
13. The road to happiness cannot be travelled with stolen goods.
18. Intolerance is a very non-survival activity.

They also provide footnotes for every word you may not understand like 'murder' 'survive' 'immoral' 'influence' or 'example'. Just in case you weren't sure of how incredibly stupid you have to be taken in.


Black Sands-Bonobo

Known for his eclectic mix of breaks, jazz, hip-hop, soul and funk, this fourth album released by Simon Green has not been a disappointment in the slightest. 10 years into his career, Bonobo has managed to master mysterious and multi layered sounds that never cease to impress, and even more so as he does it all himself. The kind of music that fits into any situation, be they calm or full of energy, this album is very easy to fall inlove with. Almost completely lyric-less apart from a select few featuring Andreya Triana, his younger sister, the deep basslines and sometimes skittish flute replace any need for them. This album full of insouciant elegance is definetly one to check out. Personal favourites would be-Kong, Stay the Same and Black Sands

Animal Kingdom- David Michod

When thinking of Australian cinema the films that seem to come to mind are Strictly Ballroom, Muriel's Wedding and The Castle: light-hearted, family friendly affairs with great characters and a happy ending. The same can not be said of Animal Kingdom whose mood is pretty well encapsulated in the opening scene: a slack jawed teenage boy is sitting in his school uniform watching Deal or No Deal, a woman is lying next to him, presumably asleep. He looks bored, but then a couple of paramedics come in and rush to the woman on the sofa. 'What was it?' 'Heroine.' Next thing you see is the boy sat in the kitchen on the telephone. 'Hi Grandma, it's J..Josh. Yeah I'm good thanks. Listen Mum's just gone and had a heroine overdose and died.' And so 17 year old Josh Cody goes to live with his Grandma, the head of a dwindling criminal family in Melbourne. While you're sometimes unsure of whether to laugh or cry, Animal Kingdom is sure to make you tense, as the survival of the fittest takes characters out suddenly and without ceremony. Ginny and I left the cinema feeling like we might get shot at any minute, sniped down anonymously or maybe just shot in the face. Sad to admit we were wandering around Hampstead.


Louis- 32 Heath Street, Hampstead, London NW3 6TE

No, this is not some nifty effect produced by an iphone camera, this place does actually look like a time warp. Stepping into Louis' patisserie the first thing you'll notice is the lack of music. It's quiet, but not in an eerie way, just the kind of silence that makes you feel calm and like you're about to do something sophisticated. The decor reminded me of Viennese coffee shops, all wood panelling and chintzy cutlery with the expected dose of cross-stitched flowers adorning the walls. There are a strange amount of waitresses working away, all women and all very sweet who approach you with an enormous tray of all the cakes they have to offer. At first I thought one of the customers was buying the whole tray but then I realised it's just a clever alternative to having a menu, a system I think more cafes should adopt because there's nothing more disappointing than expecting the culinary dream they've conjured up on paper and being faced with a microwaved sponge cake. The cakes are around the 2-3 pound mark, I ended up spending 6 pounds on a chocolate cake and latte, a fair price for a whimsical experience.

Also...



Extremely proud to have contributed to Miss Emelie Hultqvist's latest project, Un-Categorized, a monthly online publication of fashion, art and inspiration. Click here to have a gander and check out all the wonderful pictures and animations.